Good day to die

I'm trying to make this a normal day. Seems like all I've thought about for the last few weeks is getting this show together. Now it's time to relax. As I mentioned before, wearing both the creative hat and the "sales" hat is definitely walking with one foot in each world. But I'm giving myself permission to let go of the sales hat till Monday so that I can give my full attention to moving fully into the creative side.

I just took three days off from the ranch, one to get a lot of housekeeping done for the broadcast, and then spent two days in Tucson getting a lot of errands done -- self-care appointments, car-care appointments...I also spent some time at the Station (got to hear the fantastic promo for the show), just sorting things out with the people I'll be working with. Met with my co-host to brainstorm some ideas.

I started off this morning with chores (my favorite part of the day!). I adore being outside on this gorgeous property, feeding all of the denizens, and just revelling in autumn turning to winter. We had our first frost while I was in Tucson. I returned to the apartment to find two young mule deer standing in our driveway. I love how they just stand perfectly still and watch us, so cautious and yet so curious.

Cut up a lovely pork roast, froze three sections, and put together a rosemary-garlic encrusted roast with potatoes and put it in the oven. Pulled out a couple of frozen packets of fresh pumpkin (much thanks to my daughter-in-law) to bake with later in the day, and checked on the ingredients to put together my favorite honey-roasted muesli.

I find anymore that it's these quiet domestic things that move me into a creative spirit and open me to the Otherworld. I used to run around frenetically from work to social settings to liturgical meetings to teaching and then wonder why I couldn't get settled enough to meditate. I'm sure there are people out there who can do both, but it took me a long, long time to figure out that I was not one of them.

I met with Thom Cooper yesterday, my friend, counselor, and probable future guest on MindCast. We talked about surrender. Krishna said something to Arjuna that is translated as, "Resist what resists in you. Become yourself." But being somewhat familiar with Krishna's style of advice, I'm guessing the first "Resist," is likely not translatable fully into English in one word. We probably don't have a single word for it. I would guess that the word is actually a combination of resist and surrender. But we have a tough time with the concept of surrender.  I like the way Deepak Chopra puts it, "The war ends today."

Most of my life, I now realize, I have been at war -- with myself. Of course that has the natural consequence of spilling over until I'm at war with many others as well -- on the road, with the store clerk, with the dental receptionist, and ultimately with those I've loved the most. I take things too personally, get offended too easily. Thom said, "Just surrender."

"It's a trust issue," I said.

He shook his head. "Surrender. Stop resisting." I pondered the impact of that for a few seconds, "but, I've tried..." Thom was silent.

"Just stop," he said after the silence. "Trying is not doing."

As I child I learned, "Can't died in the corn field. Try is still alive." I rarely say I can't; I always try. But when it comes to emotional things, I see that "try" needs to die, too. "Do, or do not. There is no try." The wisdom of Yoda.

Lots of things need to die. Ego, trying, hoping, bargaining. November 11th.  Veteran's Day. It's a good day to die. And a good one to be reborn.