In which I reveal spiritual afflictions & the demonic

So the premise from which I am working is that spiritual, psychological, emotional trauma can result in anything from mental illness to physical illness, to a feeling of being possessed or harrassed by an evil entity depending on the level of trauma and how it has been assimilated by the person. We create and manifest our own reality.

In 1991 when I was diagnosed with clinical depression, I was put on Prozac. It didn't take me long to learn why Prozac was controversial. It ripped me into reality so hard and fast that I was left with only one thing -- the realization of how my illness had affected everyone and everything around me. I had heard that people were committing suicide after being put on Prozac. No wonder. Had I not had the support that I did, both from friends, family and my faith, I might have done the same. The thing was, that the support I received held me steady while I looked around and said, "Okay, I take responsibility for this. Now what?"

What responsibility did I have in it? My depression stemmed from things done to me in the past -- BUT! Although the cliche trips easily off the tongue -- dealing with the reality is something else: the fact that the only thing we can control when things are done and said to us is our reaction to it. As a child, we might have no control whatsoever. But when we are adults and become aware of what has happened to us, then it's what we do with that knowledge.

The bad things that happen to us become a source of grief. And we deal with grief in one of five ways -- we deny it, we get angry, we bargain with it, we get depressed over it, and hopefully, ultimately we will accept it, come to terms with it, deal with it, get over it, and let it go. But coming to that last stage depends on each individual. While we are trapped in the first four stages, going in and out of the different stages in different orders, sometimes stuck in one or all of them for years and years, we cannot heal. Our mind cannot heal, and ultimately, it wears on our body. It can break through in the form of physical or mental illness, or, depending on one's worldview, can manifest as an entity (spirit or demon).

When I was steeped in the evangelical Christian mindset, before I was diagnosed with depression, I was positive that I was being seriously demonically harrassed because I could literally feel fluttering wings and talons inside my chest. Was I crazy or delusional? No. Christianity and Christian theology was my entire existence. It was my total, complete mindset. So my psychological affliction manifested itself in the way my mindset interpreted it -- as a demon inside me.

I was in seminary at the time, in the School of Missions, and was learning "Cosmic Christianity" and healing methodologies. I was also a very troubled young woman going through divorce and having an affair. So, of course, I was tormented. I was a saint on one hand, praying for people, being recognized as clergy, having high levels of the gifts of prayer, healing, and knowledge (gnosis), while also being involved in what the Church would term high levels of sin. I was a torment unto myself. I was living a double life, torn in two. How could I possibly be operating at such a high level of giftedness while so deeply in sin? The inexperienced would shake their finger at me and tell me it wasn't possible -- that I had to be operating in the Devil's power. All too many clergy people know the truth, but no one was going to come to my aid on that score because to admit the possibilities would mean to examine things outside of Church doctrine and dogma.

So, at that moment, I succumbed to my Christian teaching -- that I must be demonically harrassed and oppressed. I was doing such good works that the Devil was tormenting me. And the more I believed that, the more manifest the wings and talons became.

So I drove 185 miles round trip twice to be delivered or have those demons exorcised. They were exorcized -- then I was able to move on with my life and realize I needed other help. That's when I went to the doctor and was diagnosed with the clinical depression. But then a psychiatrist made a pronouncement that I needed to accept that I had a "depressive personality" and would always have to remain on a maintenance dose of anti-depressants. That was not acceptable to me, but neither was going back to the way I had been before.

So I began to look for the root causes of my malady, and that's when I was introduced to alternative therapies. My demons were gone, my life cleaned up, but I was still depressed. It had taken me a long time to recognize depression. I thought it had to do with being sad and despairing while I was an upbeat, enthusiastic person. But my doctors ignored my pleas to look beyond and seek a cause and just kept pushing pills on me.

I finally found a homeopath who worked on energetically rectifying the chemical imbalance in my system created by my depression. And I became depression free.

So we can understand how someone's worldview can convince their mind that they are possessed or harrassed by an evil entity. And once the mind is convinced, the symptoms or manifestations follow. When I was "delivered," I accepted it because it had been performed in the name of Jesus which I trusted, therefore it was done. I could move on.

So, is exorcism valid? Is it needed? I would say, "Absolutely!" I pity the unfortunate mind who thinks the only way to deal with things is to rely on modern medicine. And what for people who don't have that mindset? As we said on the show, any tool set works. Any tool set, that is, that gets to the actual root of things and sets about extracting the root or at the very least integrating it -- not just medicating symptoms. On to other methods and worldviews in the next entries!